I enjoy speaking to groups, usually about casino play (or topics of my choosing that have nothing to do with casinos) and what are and aren’t the best and worst bets to make. I just had a session with a wealthy social club that enjoys bringing its members to the casinos for “fun days.” The club is composed of members, many of whom are in their 60s and 70s. Some are younger.
The club has several hosts from different casinos in Las Vegas and Atlantic City. They are given, from what the members tell me, the A+ treatment. I wanted to give them my A+ talk. (Okay, all my talks are A+.)
At the end I asked them if they’d like to make comments or ask questions. Oh, boy; oh, boy!
FRANK: Yes?
BERNIE: I am Bernard and I must take exceptions to most of what you are telling us tonight.
FRANK: Okay.
MARGARETTEl Oh, Bernie, leave the guy alone. Do we have to go through your stuff tonight?
BERNIE: I am entitled to my opinions, am I not? This is or was a free country.
FRANK: Okay, Bernie, go ahead.
(There were some moans from the audience.)
BERNIE: Let us take your idea that there is no such thing as advance warnings or advice on which slot machines to play or what numbers will come up at roulette or craps. You are completely wrong in this.
My wife had a severe heart attack a year ago and I dreamed of it the night before and when it happened I knew I had to take her to the hospital. She didn’t want to go.
JOE: I’m Joseph. Bernie, your wife had a strong case of indigestion. She was okay within an hour and came home with you. You guys were in the emergency room for a few minutes. She’s as healthy as a horse.
BERNIE: I did not agree with that diagnosis. My wife is not a horse.
MARGARETTE: How much Thai food did you guys have that night?
BERNIE: I wish to partake in this discussion, not you lambasting my wife.
JOE: We are not lambasting your wife. She was an innocent victim of your incorrect diagnosis.
FRANK: Okay, Bernie, what is your opinion?
MARGARETTE: Uggghhhh.
BERNIE: We are living in a cosmically conscious universe and therefore everything that happened and happens and will happen is happening now. Dice rolls, roulette numbers, what cards are coming out of the decks are all happening now. What we have to do is attune our inner senses to that universal consciousness, plug in to the universe so to speak, and we get the information no matter where or when it comes from. That allows us to win in the casino if we do it right.
Your gambling ideas do not take into account our cosmic consciousness. That is a huge mistake. I prefer to go with the universal truth of matters and not be misled by what you type of people, meaning writers such as yourself, say. Seriously and no offense given but what do you know?
FRANK: Thank you Bernie.
(Hands went up in the audience. I could hear comments such as “what crap” and “Bernie is out of his mind.” Those were the nice comments. I was about to point to someone who wanted to speak.)
BERNIE: Wait a minute, wait a minute. You haven’t responded to my question. So?
FRANK: Question? What was your question?
BERNIE: Let me make this simple for you, sir. Can your ideas really match the universal cosmic consciousness of which I speak? Of which I am plugged into. I say not a chance. (Someone said, “They should pull your plug!” and some cheers went up in the audience.)
You are misleading people. You just do this to make money. (Some boos from the crowd and a couple of people said, “Shut up, Bernie.”) I am not sorry for what I am saying because that is true. You are paid to speak. I am not being paid and that makes me the one who is doing this from pure motives. To educate everyone to the truth. (A few boos.) Isn’t that so Mister Scob-a-lee-tee?
FRANK: Sco-bled-tee. Sometimes it is a tough name to pronounce. I am not sure I can speak to your idea of a cosmic consciousness and the casino.
JOE: Because it’s nuts. (There were some cheers.)
BERNIE: When my mind is attuned to the cosmic consciousness I can see the roulette numbers appearing. I can see what craps numbers are being rolled in the near future.
JOE: I can see you in a straitjacket. (A few claps.)
FRANK: Okay, okay, I have to tread carefully here. I do not want to talk about, uh, you know, God or anything.
BERNIE: Not God, sir, not God. I am talking about the real reality young man; not fantasy like these people believe in. (He swept his arm to include the audience. Young man? Bernie may have been a few years older than me but I was flattered that he called me “young man.”)
FRANK: Most of the tests for psychic awareness about dice throws and the like have been non conclusive. They are –
BERNIE: Says who? Says who?
(Nuts. I didn’t want to say flat out that the university tests to show his ideas worked have failed miserably in the past when it came to casino games and the like. Casinos don’t have to worry about psychic players beating them. I wanted to soft-soap my answer and instead Bernie was getting heated because I had mentioned the word God. Cosmic consciousness and God? What’s the difference?)
FRANK: Well, ah, we do not see any correlation between people who say they have psychic powers and the like, ah, and whether they win in the casino or not. The casino results are not predicated on psychic stuff. We see that in the numbers that the casinos produce in their reports.
BERNIE: In their reports? Uff! And what type of fool believes in their reports? Ha! That’s like believing the government.
WOMAN (in red): I once thought a slot machine was going to hit and it did; right there, it did. (She nodded and turned her head to look over the audience.) I saw it with my own eyes.
MAN: Janice did you get that new prescription? (Laughter)
FRANK: We know how the casino games are structured, as I told you in my talk, and we know what types of edges the casinos have at all the games. There is no mystery in any of this. Players know they are playing against a house edge and they also know that they can figure out or research what those edges are. Again, there is no mystery to casino games. This includes all the games, the slots, the table games, video poker, the whole thing about house edges is known. And the best ways to play are also known, as I said.
BERNIE: Do you really think that the edges come out the exact way the casinos say they do? You are so wrong, young man, so wrong.
WOMAN (in red): I saw it with my own eyes. So there.
FRANK: Since we aren’t actually dealing with an infinite number of trials, there will be some little changes in results, percentage wise, but the more the number of decisions, the closer will be the real results to the theoretical results. By the way, that’s how the casinos figure your comps. That is a good thing to know.
BERNIE: Yes, yes, you talked about comps. What a waste of time it all is. Trying to impress someone who probably thinks you are an idiot.
JOE: About you, yeah, he was right on the money there.
BERNIE: I know you think you are funny. Why don’t you try out for a comedy show, Joe, you’d make a great clown and you wouldn’t need any practice either. You’re a natural.
FRANK: Okay, let’s get back to the topic. Any other questions or comments?
(No one’s hand went up. This question-and-answer part of the night was becoming a disaster.)
BERNIE: Sometimes people don’t want to see the truth – as I see the real truth.
FRANK: Okay, okay, we know that there are different opinions about these areas, but (here I go, why am I going there?) some things are right about casino games and casino play in general. And some ideas are wrong, dead wrong. There really is no real reality here except the math of the games and the strategies and whether these strategies actually affect the results of those games. Comps are executive decisions in how they are awarded.
BERNIE (shouting): Absolute nonsense! Overarching all things in our world is another world, a world we can tap into if we are smart enough. Obviously, Fnark, you …
FRANK: It’s Frank, not Fnark.
BERNIE: What does it matter what your name is if there is no truth? That’s what I want to say. If we all can have our own ideas and I want to call you Fnark, why can’t I? Nothing is real folks, that’s what all of you think, isn’t it? But there is a real reality and I have told you what it is.
FRANK: I am saying something much simpler, really. There is a reality to casino games and we know what that reality is. The debate about it is just silly. You follow the math and the practices of the casino and you get the right ideas. I am not talking about cosmic consciousness or God or anything psychic or supernatural here but I think –
WOMAN (Janice in red): Are you saying that I am lying about what I felt in my inner self and saw that time at the slot machines? Are you? I do not like to be called a liar. That is not why you are here to speak. I do not lie.
BERNIE: Maybe Janice had a glimpse into the cosmic consciousness. That could explain her great experience foreseeing the future of that slot machine. What do you think of that? She is proof of my point and she disproves your point now, doesn’t she?
FRANK: I can’t actually speak for people who feel or think they have had psychic experiences in the casinos or elsewhere.
BERNIE: Ah, ha, I have convinced you! You see, you see, everyone here, you skeptics, I am right about this and if you disagree with me, you are wrong. It is so obvious. I don’t see what the problem is.
JOE: I don’t agree with your diagnosis, doctor.
FRANK: What I am saying is that these games and how the casinos create their edges are known quantities; totally known quantities. In no way am I telling everyone that Janice is lying. That I wouldn’t do.
But as a hard rule of the casino world, not too many people can be gifted enough psychically to do what Janice did that one time. If that were so for millions of people playing in the casinos, or buying lottery tickets, there would ultimately be no casinos or lotteries. Casinos and any games of chance would dry up with strong or even weak psychic powers at work. That’s what I am saying…I think.
BERNIE: The truth will set you free!
JANICE (still in red): I am an honest person too. I never cheat on my taxes and if a clerk gives me too much change, I return it. I am an honest person. That’s all I got to say. Anyone who knows me knows that I am an honest human being.
JOE: Why don’t we give Frank or Fnark a round of applause for putting up with us? (There is applause.) We should become a debating society. The cosmic conscious debating society.
BERNIE: And I will be president of that club.
JOE: I am not joining.
FRANK: From Fnark – All the best in and out of the casinos!
